The Role of Attachment in Relationships
Understanding How Attachment Styles Influence Our Connections
Introduction to Attachment Styles
Attachment styles play a crucial role in shaping our relationships, from how we connect with friends and family to how we form romantic bonds. In this lesson, we'll explore the different types of attachment styles and how they impact the quality of our relationships.
Quote of the Day
"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships." — Tony Robbins (Life Coach and Author)
Discussion Question:
How do you think the quality of your relationships impacts your overall happiness and well-being?
Breakout Room Discussion Questions
  • What qualities do you think are important for building strong and healthy relationships?
  • How do you think our early experiences with family and friends shape the way we form relationships as adults?
Understanding Attachment Styles
Attachment styles are patterns of behaviour and thinking that influence how we form and maintain relationships. There are four main types:
  • Anxious
  • Avoidant
  • Anxious-avoidant
  • Secure
Each style affects how we perceive intimacy, trust, and connection with others. Understanding these styles can provide valuable insights into our relationship dynamics and behaviours.
Key Video Vocab
Attachment Styles
  • Anxious Attachment – A style characterised by a strong desire for closeness and fear of rejection.
  • Avoidant Attachment – A style marked by a preference for independence and emotional distance.
  • Anxious-Avoidant Attachment – A combination of both anxious and avoidant traits, leading to conflicting desires for intimacy and distance.
  • Secure Attachment – A healthy attachment style where individuals feel comfortable with intimacy and trust in relationships.
Additional Terms
  • Self-reliant – Relying on oneself rather than on others.
  • Intentional Forgiveness – The conscious decision to forgive others and let go of negative emotions.
Video Introduction
Let's watch a short video that explains the different attachment styles and how they influence our relationships. Pay attention to how the video discusses the traits of each style and what steps can be taken to develop a more secure attachment.
As you watch, think about which attachment style you identify with and how it affects your relationships.
Let's Watch!
Key Takeaways from the Video
Childhood Development
Attachment styles are developed during childhood and influence how we relate to others in adulthood.
Self-Awareness
Understanding your attachment style can help you build healthier relationships.
Personal Growth
It is possible to change your attachment style by practicing intentional behaviours like forgiveness and setting boundaries.
Expression Review Exercise
Activity: Let's review the key expressions with a gap fill exercise. Complete the sentences below with the appropriate word or phrase:
1. People with __________ attachment often feel anxious about their partner's commitment.
2. Someone with __________ attachment may struggle to maintain close relationships due to their preference for independence.
3. __________ attachment styles involve a mix of anxiety and avoidance, leading to complicated relationship dynamics.
4. Developing a __________ attachment style can lead to more satisfying and stable relationships.
5. Practising __________ can help you move past hurt and build stronger connections.
Expression Review Answers
  1. People with anxious attachment often feel anxious about their partner's commitment.
  1. Someone with avoidant attachment may struggle to maintain close relationships due to their preference for independence.
  1. Anxious-avoidant attachment styles involve a mix of anxiety and avoidance, leading to complicated relationship dynamics.
  1. Developing a secure attachment style can lead to more satisfying and stable relationships.
  1. Practising intentional forgiveness can help you move past hurt and build stronger connections.
Breakout Room Discussion Questions
  • How do you think different attachment styles influence the way people handle conflicts in relationships?
  • Have you ever noticed changes in your attachment style over time? If so, what do you think contributed to those changes?
  • How can understanding your own attachment style help you build healthier relationships?
Practical Tips for Building Healthy Relationships
Reflect on Your Attachment Style
Understanding your attachment style is the first step in improving your relationships.
Practice Open Communication
Be open and honest with your partner or loved ones about your needs and feelings.
Set Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being and foster mutual respect.
Surround Yourself with Secure Relationships
Seek out and build relationships with people who demonstrate secure attachment traits.
Reading Exercise
Understanding Attachment Styles
Read the following passage about the four attachment styles. After reading, answer the questions below.
Reading Passage on Attachment Styles
Attachment styles are patterns of behaviour and thinking that develop in early childhood and influence how we form and maintain relationships throughout life. There are four main types of attachment styles:
1. Anxious Attachment: Individuals with this style often feel insecure in relationships and fear that their partner may leave them. They may seek constant reassurance and become overly dependent on their partner.
2. Avoidant Attachment: People with this style tend to value independence and self-reliance. They may find it difficult to form close emotional bonds and often keep others at a distance.
3. Anxious-Avoidant Attachment: This style combines elements of both anxious and avoidant attachment. Individuals with this style may desire closeness but also fear it, leading to conflicting behaviours in relationships.
4. Secure Attachment: Those with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with intimacy and trust in relationships. They are typically able to form strong, healthy connections with others.
While attachment styles are deeply ingrained, they are not fixed. With self-awareness and effort, it is possible to develop a more secure attachment style and improve the quality of one's relationships.
Comprehension Questions
1
Which attachment style is characterized by a strong need for reassurance and a fear of abandonment?
2
How does avoidant attachment differ from secure attachment?
3
What are the key traits of someone with an anxious-avoidant attachment style?
4
According to the passage, is it possible to change your attachment style? If so, how?
Comprehension Answers
  • Anxious Attachment is characterized by a strong need for reassurance and a fear of abandonment.
  • Avoidant attachment differs from secure attachment in that individuals with avoidant attachment tend to value independence and may struggle to form close emotional bonds, whereas secure attachment involves comfort with intimacy and trust.
  • Someone with an anxious-avoidant attachment style may desire closeness but also fear it, leading to conflicting behaviors in relationships.
  • Yes, it is possible to change your attachment style. This can be achieved through self-awareness, effort, and working towards developing a more secure attachment style.
Closing Thoughts
Our attachment styles are powerful influencers in how we form and maintain relationships. By understanding and working on our attachment styles, we can build stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling connections with others.